


The Case Of The Pholcidae In The Lavatory

by afteriwake



Series: nongentorum [5]
Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Amused Jack, Arachnophobia, Banter, Domestic Fluff, Early Mornings, F/M, Fluff, Married Couple, Married Life, Married Phryne Fisher/Jack Robinson, Phryne Is Not Amused, Some Humor, Spiders, Waking Up From Deep Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6666352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phryne wakes Jack up when she sees a spider in the lavatory which she is <i>sure</i> has evil designs on her. Jack is rather sure she's overreacting just a tiny bit...especially when he sees the spider in question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Case Of The Pholcidae In The Lavatory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IdrisSmith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisSmith/gifts).



> So this is a donation fill for my good friend **IdrisSmith** , who had recently discovered Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries and fell in love with the Jack/Phryne ship, and when she watched the episode "Game, Set & Murder" I told her I would write her a fic revolving around Phryne's arachnophobia, and I stumbled across an old prompt from **imagineyourotp** that went " _Imagine Person A of your OTP is deathly afraid of spiders. Person B is woken up late one night by a frantic person A rambling about finding a spider in the bathroom. Still half asleep, person B follows Person A to the bathroom and kills a hilariously tiny spider on the wall_ " that just seemed perfect (though I tweaked it slightly in that Jack doesn't kill the spider). So I hope you enjoy it, hun!

“Are you still awake?” 

Jack cracked an eye open. There was no light coming in from the window, and his wife was not in bed next to him. No. She was hovering near the door instead of sharing the bed with him. That was...unusual. Now that they had settled their feelings towards each other once and for all, after he had indeed crossed oceans to come after her and they had decided that tap-dancing around their feelings for each other was utter nonsense and he had had the good sense to say married or not he loved her, he wanted her, and if they needed to live a scandalous life together so be it, and she had laughed in his face and said she would allow him the honour of making an honourable woman out of her, nights where they were together in bed at a more or less reasonable hour were the norm.

Some of the time they were even asleep at that reasonable hour.

As he glanced at the clock by the side of the bed and saw it was half past three he frowned. “Yes, Phryne, I’m awake,” he said groggily, sitting up.

“There’s a spider with nine hundred legs and beady red eyes in the lavatory and it’s waiting to swoop down on me and I need you to kill it,” she said from the doorway. “It’s got evil designs on me, I can tell. It’s going to sink its fangs into my tender flesh and then you’ll have a corpse for a wife.”

He grinned at that, shaking his head. He couldn’t help it. His wife was fearless in nearly all respects. Of everything she had faced before they admitted how they truly felt, and the things she had faced after, things that, quite frankly, made his blood run cold at the thought, and yet arachnids still terrified her. “And if it puts any of its nine hundred legs on you Hugh and Mrs. Collins will hear you scream all the way in their home?” he asked as he pulled back the duvet and swung his legs out of the bed, looking for his slippers.

Phryne huffed, crossing her arms. “I’m glad you find this amusing, _dear_ husband,” she said, her words slightly acidic.

“You know I’ve found your fear of arachnids amusing ever since the Belinda Roswell case,” he said as he slid his feet into his slippers. “Did you think that would change with marriage?”

She glared. “You can be an evil and rotten man, Jack Robinson.”

“Only with you, Phryne,” He stood, deciding not to bother with his dressing gown. “But you love me regardless because I’ll kill your spiders anyway.” He moved over to her and kissed her forehead, which softened her glare. “You are more than welcome to wait here while I take care of it for you.”

“No, I want to make sure it’s dead and gone,” she said.

“I was thinking more catch and release,” Jack said.

“You wouldn’t,” Phryne said, pulling away and staring at him with wide eyes. 

“Your assistant is trying to get me to respect all of God’s living creatures, even the annoying ones,” he said. “I think it’s her nesting urges setting in.”

“Well, Dot’s not here,” Phryne said. “So as your wife, _I’m_ saying kill it. Unless you feel like spending the rest of your evening in a guest bedroom, perhaps?”

Jack considered it. “Killing the nine hundred-legged spider with beady red eyes it is, then,” he said with a nod.

Phryne looked triumphant. “Wise choice.”

The two of them moved to the lavatory and then Jack turned on the light. He moved in more, looking around for something to kill it with before picking up a hairbrush. Phryne stayed by the door. “All right, Phryne. Where is it?” he asked.

She pointed to the wall, her eyes wide. “There!” she said, nearly shrieking.

He turned to where Phryne was pointing, leaning over and squinting. “Phryne, it’s just a cellar spider,” he said, turning to his wife. “It’s harmless. In fact, it’s helpful. They eat other spiders as well as their eggs.”

“Kill it!” she said.

“I’m going to go over your head tonight and release it outside,” he said, looking for a jar and ignoring Phryne’s glare. “It won’t harm you, I swear. Have I lied to you before?”

“That’s a rather loaded question,” she said.

“Let me rephrase it, then. Have I ever lied to you before without good reason?” he said, finally locating something he could use.

She was quiet for a moment. “No, I suppose you haven’t.”

“Then believe me when I say this spider will do you no harm,” he said. He brought the jar to the spider and caught it easily. After a moment, he managed to jerry rig something to cover it and then moved it away from the wall. “You’re safe now. I’ll meet you back in bed later?”

She looked at him and then eyed the jar. “I suppose,” she said.

“Good. I would kiss you, but...” He held up the jar. She shuddered and he lowered it. “Take care of your business and I will take care of this.”

“Very well,” she said. He moved past her and then sighed. Oh, that had been close. Perhaps one day, she might get over her fear.

And perhaps, one day, pigs would fly.


End file.
